Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
