when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
