1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
