Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize