My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
