GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
