Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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