whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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