it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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