i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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