he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
