I just pynch a tree in the face
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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