wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
