yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i love accidental penises.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
