Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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