hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
