ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Non-Jews are for practice
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
