I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
