You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
