I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
