Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
