I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
