I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
