how can u be prego again
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
