they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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