Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm really busy with my period
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