cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
