I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
