I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
