dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
