I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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