fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
