I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
