well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
