There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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