38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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