Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
