You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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