He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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