so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
