I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
