I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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