Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
