I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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