A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm bleeding and have questions
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
