just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
