just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
