Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
