so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
