you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
