i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
