He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
