Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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