I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
