Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
