i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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